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She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I started to feel a lot better.So I thought - sod it, I'll soldier on.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on. I went into her bedroom and when mum see me she pulled the duvet back so I could get in, I climbed in and she pulled the cover back over me, “We have not done this for a long time” mum said eating her breakfast, “I know, it is lovely though” I looked at her, “Yes, we need to do this more often, I have missed you” she was smiling, When we finished I put the trays out of the way then turned to her, she looked at me then looked away, it seemed that she knew that things were going to be said, “You are a very pretty woman mum” I said looking into her blue eyes, “And I am old” She smiled,“Old, you are only 42, and very beautiful, I have never thought you was old even though you are my mum”“You don’t have to flatter me sweetheart, even my body is going south” she remarked, “Don’t say that, I think you have a lovely body” I said not believing I was have this conversation with my mum in her bed, She smiled at me, “So, you have been looking at my body”I felt a little bit embarrassed at what I.
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