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For all his wonderful qualities, he wasn't the greatest at thinking five steps ahead (except between the sheets). He led with his heart, and sometimes that let him leap before he looked. I could have talked him into getting married a week after breaking up with Ryan, before starting our Junior Year. Nobody would have even questioned us. I was me. And he was him.But I wasn't me anymore. I wasn't even sure who "ME" was. The girl Ben fell in love with got corrupted somewhere along the way, and I had to find her again. I had to become Ben's soulmate once more.If that was what I still wanted.Did I?I closed my eyes and sighed. Seriously, dying in a fiery explosion would be sooo much simpler than this.The road trip with Gwen and Robin had given me some space. I'd spent the first part of the trip just trying to FORGET Ben, because to think of him was to remind myself of the evil slut I had become. Selfish actions had led to guilt, which led to a sense of impurity, which led to anger with. .”“Erika, you are both very attractive girls. However, I’m quite sure that your mothers aren’t quite ready for you to get married and become mothers, not yet. I don’t even want to think about what your fathers might do to me if that should happen.”The look on Erika’s face told me that I had it right. She wanted to have me, but she was even more afraid that it would happen too soon.“So, Erika, I want you and Siv to continue being friends and I want you to continue doing things you like to do; love and tease your siblings - but, be careful and discreet while spying on other people.”She blushed and eagerly nodded. I almost groaned since I knew that look all too well: It was the look Saga had given me when I had seduced her. Whatever I did or chose, I’d be in trouble in the future.“One more thing you both should know. I can read and do arithmetic very well. It would be very nice if my future wife would also be able to do those things.”She looked almost surprised when the song ended and I.
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