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I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside all clapping!With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"So the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.Tarzan & Jane are swinging through the trees one day, with Tarzan repeatedly making his jungle call.Suddenly he lets out an almighty ear-splitting shriek.He turns to Jane and says "Jane, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ... GRAB! THE! VINE!!!"-- and two that go togetherQ: Why do elephants paint their balls red?A: So they can hide in apple trees.Q: How did Tarzan die?A: Picking apples.Building PermitSome have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new. " Mae, back when we used to carpool you'd laugh at how slowly I drove inthe rain. You know how I am." I know, but even the most careful drivers can have accidents."Aunt Joan nodded and glanced down at my ankle. "Speaking of accidents,we just had one in the parking lot."Mae was suddenly alert. "There was an accident in the parking lot? Ihadn't heard a crash. Was anyone hurt?" No, not that kind of accident. Bobby stepped into a pothole and woundup with a twisted ankle." Bobby? You mean Irene's son? Where is he?"I shyly raised my hand. "Right here."Mae looked me up and down once, and then studied the computer monitorand tapped at her keyboard for a couple of seconds. "Sorry about that,honey. I think we've got everything straightened out. Just have a seatand I'll see who's available to look at your ankle." But...can't I see my mom first? That's the whole reason I came to thehospital." My foot was cold, something gross was squishing between mytoes and my ankle ached, but that hardly seemed.
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