Teacher asks her class if any of them can give her a sentence using the word ‘contagious’. Up goes Susie’s hand ... Daddy had the flu and Mummy said to keep away from him cause it is contagious. Teacher says very good Susie. Little Johnny’s hand goes up. Teacher dreads this but no one else raises a hand. OK Johnny ... I asked Mummy how long Daddy would be out fishing and she said it would take the contagious.Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife “Can you give me one last wish?” She says “Anything you want”. He says “After I die, will you marry Larry?” She says “But I thought you hated Larry”. With his last breath, he says “I do”.A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer. The bartender brings a beer and notices the parrot on his shoulder and says “Hey that’s really neat. Where did you get it?” The parrot responds “In the jungle, there’s millions of them”.A super-hot chick walks into her church and says to the priest “Forgive me Father,. We had to paint him as an out of touch demagogue who had lured me astray, but now I was back on the path of goodness and righteousness. This left a sour taste in my mouth. I had known full well what I was doing when I helped to oust the Democrats, and I firmly believed that the elements of the Contract with America were for the good of all of us.The one thing I agreed with, though, was that Newt was nowhere near done with his feud with Bill Clinton. I knew he was going after Slick Willie on every front he could, and in the most over the top fashion possible. For one thing, Monica Lewinsky was already working at the White House as an intern. I had seen her in passing once, and almost did a double take when I realized who she was. Pretty girl, I suppose, though more than a bit chunky for my taste. On the other hand, I like curvy brunettes, and if she had lost about twenty or thirty pounds around the midsection even I might have been tempted. Maybe she just gave great head! Clinton.
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