But everybody calls me Mouse." he said extending his hand. "Nice to meet you Mouse, I'm Scott Morrison." I looked at the interior of the locker and cringed, even though Mouse was a short dollip of a guy that was still a hell of a squeeze."How in the world did you get in there Mouse?" I asked. "It was Erin and the Crew who did it, they're always stuffing me in things." "Aaron huh...guess I gotta watch out for him." I said. "Not Aaron, Erin she's one tough SOB!" he said. "A girl...really?" I asked. "She's not a girl, she's a monster with breasts." As we stood there the Tardy Bell rang. "Oh crap looks like I'm Tardy again!" Mouse said. "Where you going?" I asked."Mrs. Jones first period English." I looked at my class list and sure enough Mrs. Jones was my first period class as well. "How do you like that!" I said holding up my schedule. "Follow my lead and you'll be fine." I said with a wink. I opened the door and Mouse walked in first. "Nice of you to join us Mr. Mouser unfortunately. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.o Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!o If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.o As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.o Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it.o.
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