I wish I could take away your pain and see your happy face again. From the time you were a baby you’ve always been the one to cheer up the family. You don’t deserve all this.’ ‘And now I’ll end up spending the rest of my life alone. I can’t believe this is happening to me.’ ‘I’ll never abandon you, Mandy. You’ll never be alone.’ ‘You know what I mean, Sandy. Is it too much to expect a partner to stick around for 3-6 months? Pete has the rest of his life to spend with his married trollop. Couldn’t he just pretend for this short period of time?’ ‘Mandy, I have no idea what’s going on in his mind, but I won’t legitimize his choice. Even if he has problems with illness, you don’t deserve to be abandoned, and you deserve more than just a partner who pretends.’ ‘Sandy, I just feel so lost, alone and empty. Am I so unlovable or unworthy of being loved? I’m only 39, how can I be dying? I’m so confused. Sometimes I wish this cancer was like the others, filled with physical pain. Maybe. ” “Bye, Holly.” I put the phone down. She was cool with me letting him crash out at mine. She had no problem with him getting pissed at mine. We got on brilliant, the three of us. So there he was, bless him. Liam. Crashed out on the sofa looking dead sweet. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel the way I did about him. I loved him like he loved Holly. I suppose I was in love with him, whatever that is. Yeah, I must have been. I wanted more than us to be just friends but I knew it could never happen. He wasn’t gay. He was straight and he had a girlfriend. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have these intense feelings for him. But I can’t help the way I feel. He knew I loved him but I don’t think he had any idea just how much I loved him. He didn’t know I was in love with him. He looked so sweet lying there asleep. I sat down in the chair and just looked at him. He was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. He was beautiful on the outside and beautiful on the inside. I sat there looking at him. I.
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