It hurts me to know that I’m causing you pain.I’ve told you about the nightmares but what I haven’t told you is that they carry over into the day. I haven’t slept for more than an hour at a time for two months. I’m too scared to leave the house but I’m terrified at being here, too. I can’t live that way.I can’t stop reliving that day.I finally understand how betrayed you felt when the people you cared about let you down. I want to apologize for trivializing your feelings about Susan and Tara. I finally understand your reluctance to have anything to do with them.Please note that I’m not apologizing for pushing you to forgive them. I still think I was right about that part. But I’m sorry for thinking your feelings were unjustified.Leah cleared that up for me. That’s for sure.But just like you told me once, my feelings aren’t necessarily rational but it doesn’t change them.I feel betrayed by my sister. But I also feel betrayed by my parents for not stopping her. And sadly, my love, I. I don’t really have anything new because there’s been too much real life of late. But I’ve received a number of PM’s, Feedbacks, and general comments looking for information… So hopefully those of you who wrote me anonymously will get this. I’m still here. After the semester is over I’ll put more out as soon as I can. But for now be patient with me. I’ll finish everything I started… Promise. For now, here’s a token. And keep a look out cuz Mira is coming soon too… I’m just about through the next chapter. And if you get a chance go vote on the Readers’ Choice Awards! * * * * * * So I’m in the shower and it’s all in my mind. I sit naked and cross legged on the tiled floor with curtains all around me and scalding water beating on my head and back. I pull needles from my skin and resew stitches that have begun to break. The water runs clear from the spigot over me washing inside my scars and fingerprints and into my ears. There it can sear away the filth that has been left in my mind.
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