“Oh my god, should I really do this?” she murmured. Irene painted her nails a bright red and accessorized her hands with big rings on every finger, a bit of her trademark on Flickr. Earrings, necklace and a warm, deep smelling feminine perfume made the transformation complete. Irene looked in the mirror. Wow girl, you rock! she thought. Then the truth hit home. Oh my god, I have to go outside to meet a guy…. Her heart started pounding, she thought about just to chicken out but then she decided that if there ever was a chance go outside it would be this. So at four o’clock she opened the front door and stepped outside, with shaking knees and terrified somebody would see. She had donned a long trench coat which only revealed her booted legs. Taking a deep breath she started to walk to her car which was parked some streets away. She passed a neighbor who looked at her ass and some young guys who made cat-whistles at her. Irene was getting braver now and passed them while she wiggled her. Not only did I spite myself – but I devastated a beautiful, caring young woman. So much so, that she refused to fall in love again. She couldn’t face the prospect of another heartache, another loss, another traumatic episode. Well done, Richard, you bastard. So, what now? My eyes fixed on Gaynor’s words and found that, somehow, they were amazingly kind. Yes, she referred to ‘rock bottom . . . a horrible day . . . pain and heartache.’ But there was no accusation, no finger-pointing, no recriminations. Just a bold, painful statement about how I hurt her then – and the knock-on affect for the rest of her life. Despite all that suffering, she’d been the one to bridge the years and renew our contact. And, even now, she said she liked hearing from me. Amazing! I shook my head and thought, yet again, about the remarkable love I had spurned. It was all so tormenting. I couldn’t help but wonder what might have been. How different would our lives have been? Hang on, Richard, here you go again..
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