" She replayed some of the earlier conversation about what she could contribute if she went home.Molly, Gwen, Curt, and Jason were together for the first time that day at dinner. Molly brought up the possibility of her going home, laying out the pluses. To say that Gwen was shocked would be a serious understatement, and she could not hide her reaction. Molly talked as if they were her own ideas and not just Curt's suggestions. She sensed that it would be hard for Gwen to think that Curt might be trying to get her to leave."What will it do to the refuge idea if you're not here?" Jason asked. "Your personal credibility is one of the things that gets kids to come here. What about that girl you picked up - Francie. What will it do to her?"Curt jumped in at that point. "Jason, it's wonderful how you're trying to set up a full refuge, with school and everything, but I wonder. If you gave equivalent money to the Hooverton schools, couldn't they find ways to handle more students. I'm talking. So I stumble back to my bed and lay there, waiting for sleep to overtakeand heal me. But the one time I crave it, need it desperately, sleepfails to come for me. I lay there, exhausted, too tenseto sleep. Relax, I try to tell myself, just relax and sleep willfollow. Twenty minutes later and not only am I drained, I'mfrustrated as well. My mind is racing and it won't let go of the thoughtsenough to let me sleep. It doesn't help that those thoughts center aroundhim and the complexities of our relationship, the bad as well as the good. Every little thing I've ever done "wrong" (at least in mymind); every little word of praise and affection and yes, love, from him. I sit up, dangling my legs over the side of the bed, andrealise I'm still playing with the damned belt. Still turning it aroundand around, doubling it this way then that, listening to a voice - hisvoice - remind me with a smile to not use the buckle end. I smile tomyself, still feeling a bit silly about that after all.
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