She sensed it and changed the subject, and then we chatted about normal things and later on journey went on smoothly. After reaching Delhi my uncle Sudha came to receive us and both the uncles unloaded the luggage. While getting down from the train the lady with the baby was looking for the person that came to pick her up and she was struggling with the luggage. I felt bad and offered help I carried her luggage until the waiting room. Even aunty came with me inside the waiting room and said to the lady ‘do you have anybody coming or do you want us to help you get a taxi’She said ‘no thanks my husband is coming but can you please give me a water bottle.’Without any warning she opened the side of the blouse washed the nipple and started feeding her baby. I thought how she can do this so publicly that is when I realized this was a VIP waiting room and it was empty. I could not take my eyes off her. The nipple was dark brown and subconsciously I was feeling bad. Then I heard my aunty say. N x She’d written the lyrics to ‘Don’t Look Back Into The Sun’ at the bottom of the note and scribed ‘It reminded me of you’ at the bottom. At his funeral the following week, she’d placed the letter on his casket, next to a flower arrangement that spelt out his name. She watched it disappear with his body, to be cremated alongside him. She hadn’t cried for him since that day and she didn’t play his song for months. Now and again though, even now, he’d find her listening to it, a sad smile on her face as she lost herself in some memory and he knew that she was remembering him. And it killed him all over again. ‘I’m so sorry Nat,’ he whispered, sliding through the seat to get closer to her. It wasn’t the first time he’d apologised. He’d lost count of how many times he’d said sorry, but it didn’t change anything. He’d still hurt her, still been too stupid and immature to suck up his insecurities and just tell her he loved her. Now she’d never know how sorry he was. Tears welled in.
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