.. As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in my life but Jesus Fucking Christ, it sucks. I want my happy ending too, dammit. I want kids and a loving husband. A family to come home to that will be excited to see me with hugs, kisses and I love you's. I want my husband to come up behind me and hug me while I wash dishes in my sweats and an old, baby-stained, oversized t-shirt who never doubts that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I. He gets more comfortable with it, as do I. He pushes forth, working his mouth on me. My fingers twirl in his hair. My breathing is ragged, heavy with lust. The blanket I felt only moments ago becomes heavier around us. I feel him push his tongue inside me, finding a new area to send me over the edge with. He’s daring and bold, taking what he wants. His tongue working in me, he takes his two fingers and teases my clit. I cry out, trying to muffle the sound as I feel a sensation that I’ve never felt before. I begin to orgasm, I almost feel like I’m breaking from the inside out. It’s so intense. He has the biggest smile on his face, as he works up on me. He is proud of himself. I can tell that he is, between his smile and how hard he is. I pull him onto me, I kiss him hard. I want him, I want to feel him deep inside me. I open my legs wider, whispering for him to take me. He asks me if I’m sure, and I know that I am. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. It’s the thickness.
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