‘She thinks she’s pregnant, she doesn’t know just feels that she is.’ He laughed, ‘I’d be surprised if she isn’t after all those little buggers he’s been depositing inside her.’ Then seriously, ‘Why now?’ ‘She knows you don’t want me to go with Guy after the baby and she thinks Guy will be the same. You won’t go with her will you, when she’s pregnant I mean?’ ‘No,’ he said, ‘No. I think I should respect that and how Guy might feel.’ ‘I don’t know why but she seems almost desperate about tonight. You will won’t you. She feels all of this, everything about her life now, is as a result of you loving her so I suppose she feels the need to be with you.’ He looked down at me, ‘What about you, how do you feel about it. And,’ he said seriously, ‘about Guy. She’s offered him hasn’t she?’ He was reminding me of my feelings the first time with Guy. ‘Yes she has and I want to. I want to try and make up for the first time.’ I smiled up at him, ‘I won’t feel guilty this time. Oh Mike, you know I. Every thing I did seemed to make a bigger mess of my life. I felt like collapsing on the bed and just crying but I knew I could not. Instead, I drew on the strength that had seen countless women before me negotiate through worse. I thought of the courage shown by Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, the Iranian woman on death row for being convicted of adultery and scheduled to be executed by stoning. If she could stand up with courage to face her ordeal, surely I could get through this. I began to pack. The inner linings of our luggage had been torn out but luckily our bags were not destroyed to the point of being no longer useable. I folded Jackson’s clothes and tried to pack them neatly, smelling each article of his clothing to get my fill of his scent that I would miss so dearly. I would have loved to keep one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers to wear when I wanted to think of him and remember this time we spent together but I knew I couldn’t. Jackson returned about fifteen minutes.
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