Shepromised to stop right at the edge of trouble. Besides she advised Icould always claim I was helping Monica with her class assignment toshape eyebrows at home and that she asked me to volunteer because hermother shaved her brows on a daily basis which was the truth. Every dayshe would take out an extra row until finally my mother noticed and I hadto use Monica's excuse.Every day Monica made me walk around her room naked in high heels. Shemade me walk like a sissy. One day she brought home a wig from herschool. It was pure white in color and cut in a china doll bob. She addedlong eyelashes and makeup with burgundy red lipstick. Then she made mebend over, lubricated a butt plug and shoved it in. She told me I had tokeep it in for an entire week except for going to the bathroom.One day Monica declared we were getting married. Not today but in fouryears after Bobby finished high school and could start beauty school. Bythen Monica planned to have her own beauty salon. They would move. We cloak ourselves in the fear of living our lives. We see our lives not as magical gifts to be treasured, taken, emptied of every last drop of sustenance. Oh no. We see our lives as something to be endured, gotten through, to get even with. The path of most people’s lives, leaves a trail of unopened doors, behind which lay the magic of life never released because of our fear. My life was easy in comparison to most… up until the summer I have described in the previous volume of my tale. Easy isn’t even the right word for it. Blessed is a better one. By the end of that summer I thought I knew true pain. The loss of Sasha. The loss of my child. The loss of my path. These losses brought me pain the likes of which I had never known existed, let alone felt. All that pain provided me with a new respect for fear. As with everyone, I had felt fear in the past. But this new fear, brought on by actual loss, actual pain… this was fear on steroids. I let it consume me for a time. I almost let it.
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