66. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.67. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.68. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.69. I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.70. I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.71. I shouldn’t known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.72. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”73. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.74. When in doubt, mumble.75. I always take life with a grain of salt, ... plus a slice of lemon, ... and a. ”“Gee, thanks. I like you too, baby sister.”“Anyway, last night I was over at Megan’s and she was all upset about the boyfriend, and I started kneading her shoulders, bending down from behind her and working the knots with my thumbs. And she was like, ‘Ooh, ooh, ahh, that is so good, mmhmm oh god.’ I was so tempted to turn her around and kiss her.”“Oh, I bet. I’m turned on just hearing about it.”“But what if it went wrong, and she was like, “Oh no, we’re just friends.” She could tell people at school!”“No, Megan isn’t that kind of person, she’s a real friend.”“I guess so, but still, things could be weird, and maybe we could never get them back to how they were.”Her voice had gotten husky, and I realized that she was starting to cry. Tears ran down her soft cheeks and her lips seemed somehow smudged. I felt so sorry for her, and yet also super aroused. I put an arm around her shoulder and hugged her close. I could feel the side of one boob, but resisted the temptation to fondle it;.
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