It would be a constant reminder to me of what could have been.I decided that this was all too much to take and once I had returned home, making sure that I was alone, I went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, and took out a bottle of extra strength painkillers. I looked at them with a wry smile. I had bought them to help me with the period pains I now experienced every month, as regular as clockwork. They seemed to be a symbol to me of what I had become, and it now seemed a fitting irony that I would now be using them to free me from further female pain, permanently.After writing a forgive me note to Louise, I washed a handful of them down my throat with a glass of water and then returned to my bedroom to lie down, holding a photograph of Jackie close to my chest. I awaited for oblivion to claim me, for the last time.* * * * * * *Epilogue - Six Months LaterAs far as funerals went, it was a quiet one. There was only Bill Carwright's immediate family and a police representative. Your relentless curiosity will serve you well. I know your fatherfelt the same." They both deeply missed Scarlett's late husband, yet hadgrown even closer now that there were only three left in the family."So, we've established that you have a feminine side. It's also obviousthat you're depressed if you feel you need to hide that part of yourpersonality. Let's talk about how you could let that side outcomfortably. You clearly enjoyed preparing for the pageant andparticipating in it. There won't be another one until next year, isentering it again enough?"Liam considered that. "It means I can't be feminine except at home untilnext year. Plus, no one has ever entered the school pageant twice.Everyone just teats it like a lark, a one-time thing. People would thinkI'm weird for doing it again." OK, I hear that freeing your feminine side once a year would notsuffice, I thought not. You're also concerned about possible socialpushback from being seen as a boy that likes being girly. There.
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