As the group progressed, I felt us all coming closer together. I don't mean there wasn't still friction, but, underneath all that, there was a solid feeling of being connected. I started understanding that Joyce had been right about each of the girls loving me. I loved all of them too. The love I felt for them might not have had the same intensity I had once felt for them. I was in love with Joyce, while I just loved the X's. It was a romantic love, but with a distinct difference in intensity from that which I felt for Joyce. It was a warm, comforting love, whereas my love for Joyce was much hotter, more filled with passion and life. It had greater energy.I was much more likely to make changes to accomodate Joyce's needs. I might not come out and admit it to anyone else, but I made a lot of decisions by only thinking about what Joyce wanted, instead of what I might want. The whole group thing was more for Joyce's happiness than for my own.She took great pains to convince everyone that. If the previous blows had been painful, this was sheer agony. I thrashed against the block, desperate to keep my position - for if I did lose my grip and collapse, Helen would simply tie me to it and start again. "You know that this is for your own good," she said. "I will not have a husband who is disobedient, nor will I have one who is unable to control his perverted desires." THWACK! This blow landed at the top of my buttocks, almost exactly where the first one had hit. The impact onto my already damaged flesh made this stroke almost as bad as the last one, and I screamed again. THWACK! Helen was relentless, almost machine-like in her precision with the tawse. I swear the next stroke landed upon the exact spot that the second blow had struck, pain built upon pain. I moaned in agony as Helen carefully aimed her next blow- THWACK! My whole body shuddered, and I fought to retain control of my bladder under the assault. My God, if I wet myself here and messed up her carpet.
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