To the handicapped guy who stole my bag--You can hide but you can't run.I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.If anything, it made him more sluggish.And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"But John came fifth, and won a toaster.Q: How do you think the unthinkable?A: With an itheberg.Someone stole my mood ring.I don't know how I feel about that.I tried to catch fog yesterday--Mist.The first rule of Alzheimer's club--Is don't talk about chess club.Why does a chicken coop have two doors?If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.She looked surprised.This one is compliments of DennisThis happened to a friend of mine. Beware, it could happen to you. Ladies, please pass this on to your husbands, fathers, uncles, etc. so they will not fall prey to this scam.Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This. I was so besotted with her that I just couldn't think straight.One lunchtime I came back from the Chemist with a new bottle of eardrops in one of those small blue grass ridged bottles, when an ugly though ran through my mine but in my defence I was desperate."Look what I have here," I said holding up the blue glass bottle so that June could see. We were alone in the small kitchen where we make our tea."What?" she said off hand not really looking."This my lovely is one of those 'date rape' drugs," I said, that got her attention fast."What." She said again but this time she looked at what I was holding."One morning your are going to wake up with a splitting headache and no memory of the previous evening and you will know that I have paid you a visit."This time she didn't say anything she just opened and closed her mouth a few times. Then she found her voice."You pervert," she yelled loudly and I was concerned that someone would hear. "I'm calling the police." Be my guest," I said,.
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