It doesn't matter, whatever you say isOK." I gave him my best smile.A week later and he decided that it would be a good idea, a quietaffair, just the two of us and some witnesses off the street in theSettle Registry Office, then off for a honeymoon in St.Lucia. Itsounded ideal.Three weeks later we were married. I did not have the white dress orthe bridesmaids, but at least we were married. The next day we flew toSt.Lucia, an all inclusive five star hotel and at least we had thehoneymoon suite. That meant we had free champagne in the room. We madelove for a whole afternoon. We lazed by the pool, and tried the sports,tennis, golf and waterskiing. The second week we took one of the hirecars and explored the island. At one point he stood very close to thetop of a cliff and I just wondered whether......................I couldnot. I did not hate him enough to give him a push.That evening, while having drinks before dinner, we were joined by anAmerican couple. Carl was a jokey type and soon. The other week I found a smaller sex toy and held it up against my existing one, pretending to debate where it would go. But you know where I put it, right? As I feel the lube between my arse cheeks I always tell myself that I should be above this, but once I have hit the buttons I tremble with the kind of obscene gratification that I remember so fondly. I miss it. For one moment I am totally full and my flesh is alive and I make the sound I never make anytime else. It's a sound my body knew long before that confident ex boyfriend found a way to make me sing it out. His giving me anal sex on our first night together was so bold and surprising I gave in without question. It happened to be my very first time and the sound I made then is the same one I make every time, even though I am alone when I fall silent.Loneliness is always that much worse when I am covered in lube and my own sense of completion. I am beautiful when I am breathless and flushed with my hair across the pillow, but.
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