Maybe these gifts were really a curse. Maybe it was better for everyone if I simply disappeared. Maybe it would be safer for all. Maybe…maybe I should simply turn and walk away. And that’s what I did. I turned on my heels and started walking. It think it was south, but it was hard to tell without the sun for some kind of bearing, and I never took an astronomy class. More than that though, it felt like north, so I figured it had to be south. One thing I’d discovered upon arrival to Arizona was that my sense of direction was completely screwed up. In Missouri, I could close my eyes and spin around and when I came to a stop I could tell which direction I was facing, simply by the feel. When I got to Phoenix that was completely backward. The best explanation I can come up with is that there is some sort of metal in the ground that throws off my internal compass. So since my body told me I was going north, I assumed I was heading south. So that’s how I found myself being scorched by. This fantasy of mine comes from the exhaustion of trying to compete with alpha males and the eventual realization and sexualizing of my inferiority. If you are offended by the political incorrectness, don't worry, I am against bullying and for racial equality, I just have fantasies that utilize these taboos...So in college I was good buddies with a big well-muscled black guy. We would drink a lot together and sometimes talk-shit to each other, in a funny way of course. However, one time the shit talking got to a point where I could tell he was serious, I was turned-on, and I've later fantasized about the possibilities if I was wiser then. So this guy was a total player, always plowing the best white girls of course. I was okay at getting girls but never quite had the confidence, the body, the dick, or the performance to be a true player. Well, he began one night when we were both pretty drunk by bragging about one of his beautiful white conquests. A German exchange student that.
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