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Of course the RAF were looked on by the army as being only one step away from civilians, but I had expected to be working in a more martial ambience than which I now found myself.The abrupt change from one way of life to another could be a factor in the occurrence of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the unexpected flashback to the Falklands I had suffered in Suzannah Weston's office, for no apparent reason other than her mentioning 'aged eighteen', might be due to the realisation I was now in a much different milieu.But as I have no training as a trick cyclist my opinion is worthless.I had not suffered flashbacks since leaving the army, other than the 'small penis' episode in Maggie's room at the Crown, and the one in Suzannah Weston's office, but unfortunately the period of peace was shattered one night when the full panoply of my demons paraded in front of me.It was the same old gang: the Argie, the Shifta child soldiers, and the young Serb who I had shot in the back, but. No guilt and no shame: and the girls,unprepared for such an attitude, were flummoxed. The crowning momentcame when I asked them whether they would make duplicates for me ofthe prints they had. I didn't really want them, but when they lookedat me, open mouthed, I knew I had gotten the effect I was after.I didn't see any of them again until Spring break, and at that pointnothing was said about New Year's Eve or about my dressing. They werepleasant and didn't treat me in any way differently from the way theyhad before I had come out to them about my dressing. I still thoughtof them as really nice people. They weren't.== 4 ==That summer the three of them invited me to spend a couple of weekswith them at their cottage. This would be the first time I had beenback since that disastrous time when I got drunk, and, rememberingthat time, I wasn't too keen on going. But the girls pressed me sosweetly, and Jim said, "C'mon, Eric, it's great out there! Remember?"I remembered, all right. .
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