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” My brief courage faded rather quickly.“You are not a c***d? So you have slept with many women? No? You shake your head virgin c***d!” I would have hung it if the chain wasn’t so taunt where I stood. “Kissed anyone other than mummy or granny at Christmas?” I looked up towards the speaker, he knew me? I shook my head again. He knew I was a virgin. “A sissy wears mummy’s under things and plants a kiss on her vanity mirror, while mincing around her bedroom.” Again he shocked me! “With her Harlem Nights ruby lipstick on his sweet lips!”I continued with the walking exercises. “You need to sway those hips around something, a focus.” I gasped as I felt that plug inflate inside me! It wasn’t painful but that very full feeling was too strange! “Rotate your hips around that form as you walk my dear sissy c***d.”“I’m fucking old enough to vote you dick!” I thought but didn’t say those words. I was a terrible coward and dad was right saying I was too timid and submissive to ever land a. I was grateful that a woman could look at me, look at her swelling womb, and decide ‘bad idea.’ I describe all this simply to point out that I was in no way an inherently heroic man. I was a human being, filled with faults and frailty, and consumed with the idea that I must fulfill my desires, and meet my expectations, if I was ever to live the life I dreamed of. And to this and I considered my own happiness paramount, disregarding the feelings of others, and taking every obstacle to my sense of self worth as a personal attack. I do not consider this behavior unusual – it is virtually ubiquitous, in my opinion – particularly among the very young. Acceptance is not easy – life had to hit me over the head with a hammer every day for many years to teach me that I was not in charge, and that those who blocked my desires not only were not doing it to attack me (even if they thought they were), but were simply pursuing their own happiness, because they were not in charge either. So I have.
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