May I ask why you made love with her knowing all of this?”“Michelle made the choice, Kara. Honestly, she was planning to go to the monastery and the point would have been moot. The problem arose when she decided she wanted to come home. She’s pretty much in the same place you were after our Year in the Wilderness. I think you can help her with that.”“I can try. She would also like to make love with you, but she’s afraid to ask because of your injuries.”“I know. I’ve just been so tired. Perhaps I’ll take a nap this afternoon.”“I think that would be a good idea.”November 29, 1993, Chicago, Illinois“The x-rays look fine,” Al Barton said on Monday afternoon.“What about me being so tired?” I asked.“You’ve only been doing the exercise we’ve approved?”“You know I am because I know you talked to Gina and my Sensei. And you also talked to Kara.”“What is it you like to say?” Al asked with a smile. “‘Trust, but verify’? I think you need to take the rest of the week off work, and take morning. I was a complete, teary mess at this point and I got makeup on herblouse, but she was such a doll, just letting me cry out all of myfeelings of rejection and shame for not being the kind of man I felt likeI was expected to be my whole life. Jane said to me, with Jennifer nowrushing back into the room as well, that, "honey you are not to blame forhow God had made you. You were obviously supposed to be special, and nowwe are trying to help you figure out who that is. Don't you feel betterbeing a woman, with us here to support you. Doesn't this feel right toyou Deep Inside?"In between sobs I was able to catch my breath enough to agree with Janeand Jennifer. "Yes I do feel more like me as Beth than I ever did as that'John' guy. Thank you both so much for being here for me, for being likethe sisters that I've always wanted."And with that we hugged some more, and this time it was Ms. Jennifer whohad to hold back the tears. Something inside of me was beginning toclick, and I smiled widely.
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