The doula waited for the man to continue, but he just continued to stare blankly at her.“Okay,” the doula replied, after the pause had grown long enough to make her uncomfortable. “Yes, this is quite a common situation. In my experience, the trouble is rarely sex; it’s intimacy. Men - and I know it’s a stereotype, but it’s true - often use sex as the easiest way of getting intimacy, but there are so many more ways it can be achieved.”“Like what?”“Well, just off the top of my head - massage. You could massage your wife’s feet, or her back. I’ve never met a pregnant person who doesn’t like that. And if she’s feeling up to it, she could do the same for you.”“Can you show us?”“Of course,” the short woman smiled. “I have an entire cabinet for exactly this...”Over the next few minutes, the doula unpacked her collection of oils and perfumes, and spoke gently about the hidden benefits of massage. The man watched her intently as she did.“Do you have any questions?” she asked.“Oh.” the man. I was going to enjoy nailing this son of a bitch to the wall by his nut sack. It was guys like this one that made it so hard on the good guys like my Chris. Did I really call him that?I was on the hunt. Then believe it or not someone put my favorite fucking song on the god damned juke box. I was humming along with the song "Private eyes," when suddenly they got to the third verse and I realized that I'd been set up."Why you try, to put up a front for me. I'm a spy but I'm on your side you see."I got up and approached the table. When I got there I sat across from the man and noticed that the long greasy hair he wore was a wig. And his big nose and glasses were one of those Groucho Marx masks from a joke shop. I laughed just as Darryl hall and John Oates sang, "Slip on into any disguise. I'll still know you, look into my private eyes."I pulled the mask off revealing Chris' handsome face."It took you long enough to figure it out," he said. "I thought you were supposed to be some kind of.
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