He had a rather large collection of Penthouse and Hustler magazines. We used to sift through them in his room in his parents house and then fool around. My first exposure to lesbian images came from him as it was his favourite form of pornography. I remember my first view of two women in kissing each other gave me a fluttering in my stomach that was really unlike anything I had felt previously. It didn't feel wrong, but it did feel dirty and rather exciting to thumb through those pages. Still, at that time, I thought that I could only be with a guy, i never thought i could actually go through with being with another girl. Dale always told me he had fantasies about me and my friend Sarah getting it on together. He used to say that he would be happy just watching or even having me tell him about it if it were to happen while he was elsewhere. Dale almost had his wish come true one night around graduation when a very drunk Sarah and I started making out at a grad party. It got pretty. The infectious she, unfaithful and exuberant to her core, had marked me. Painfully. Permanently. Perpetually.Until today, when it all changed.The excoriation of my passion has ceased. I recreate myself. I am Proteus. Vibrant. Alive. My heartstrings are attuned with a celestial harp. My universe is no longer composed of silent melodies. The strumming in my soul is powerful, strident, and evocative of my youth.Blessed be the ethereal beings who beget you for me. Transcendent, immortal, assured, I bathe in your spirit and I am reborn.”oo00ooI crafted those words in my diary the evening of the day I first saw you. It was a Friday business meeting; November in Minneapolis. We connected the moment our eyes met. My throat constricted, my breath labored, I longed to whisper your name in your ear and tell you I adored you. I couldn’t. I was forced by time and place, to say my own name aloud in introduction and then bear the public burden of waiting in silence until you replied with your.
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