Nature unpleasant–sure I’ve mentioned that before. Try my hardest, but nature tries harder. Can’t deny what we are. Never compromise with excuses, never forget. So, yeah, ten years and three months. Only know that because Artie reminded me last week. Like drug addict in recovery, like drunk in program–except when I fall, others do, too. Fell today. Quiet parts of me ask ‘Why?’, louder parts ask ‘When next?’. Locked in middle is me and body of suspect in most recent job. Body is innocent. Found out two minutes ago. Ten years. Three months. Two minutes. Half-second. Body and me sitting on bench in Macall Bridge Park, all the time in the world. Make no excuses, tell no tales, no shifting blame. Mauled innocent kid, tonite, based on bad info. Stalked and preyed and dropped on Body… Body didn’t deserve it, Body didn’t do anything wrong. Could cry about it. Could get choked up. Lose focus. But choking up, losing focus, doesn’t help find guilty people. Every minute wasted on introspection. Call me if you need to go anywhere. I will see you Tuesday."I ran into Dawn on Monday morning after my swim. She asked where I was over the weekend. They had another meet and I wasn't there to cheer her on. I told her I had gone back to Orlando for the weekend. I asked how she did and she said the competition was a little tougher but she was happy with her times. I remembered that I needed to develop the film from the week before. I would try to stop by the dark room after class today.Tuesday I was in class when April skipped in. She was in a good mood. She sat next to me and I asked, "What did you do with the serious, confused girl that used to occupy that body?" She met a guy." I leave you alone for a day with my car and you go out and pick up a guy?" No, I mean you. I had so much fun last weekend." I am glad; I had fun with you too." The teacher came in and we learned how to be humane.After class, she asked if I wanted to get together after my last class."I was going to develop.
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