And when confronted with arrogance, she cuts right through the bullshit. She's not afraid to confront foolish behavior, like when the man or woman comes to work too fucked up to fuck let alone speak lines. I've seen her go right up to the fuck up and ask why he or she is wasting her time and everyone else's. You know how really clever people like Mikhail for instance enjoy flaunting their cleverness by reducing victims to flummoxed idiots. To me she's the wisest woman I ever met, because she realizes cruelty hurts everyone, including the cruel. She's smarter than the smart ass." So why did you stop seeing her?" The porno business sent me into a depression, Molly. Everyone seemed so self destructive and lost. It reminded me of a girlfriend I had and lost to her demons." The coke whore?" Carol. Everyone in porn had that lost look. The men looked like the men who used her. And the sex ... It was joyless, mechanical. More and more the distance between fucking and love, between intimacy. Inadvertently with my humor I had touched on the very matter that had put him to tears. In his moment of passion he had abandoned my needs in favor of his own. Pounding into me with his need, penetrating me without regard to my own pleasure. I loved my Dad. Still cupping his face in my hands I drew him in for kisses, and I assured him of my love. "I am so happy to be here with you Dad." And I kissed him some more. He rolled off of me and lay on his back. I crawled on top of him, his softened cock pinned under me. I lay my head on his chest, my arousal began to recede, and the steady rise and fall of his chest was soothing to me. It is there that I fell asleep, wrapped in my father's arms, laying on him. I awoke, not sure where I was, thinking I was back at my apartment and everything had been a fanciful dream. I was alone in bed and my heart began to weep. Did I imagine it all? Fuck. Fuck. "Shhhh …" Dad said to me "its okay…" he came to me, from across the room. "I.
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