” “Oh, yes, of course”, she said softly, and when I re-flicked the fingers on my up-turned flat hands, she quietly added… “Miss”.“I’ll set up the video now, while you bring in the coffee and cookies,” I said in an assertive, stern tone, intentionally adding more burden to her duties.“Oh, I’ll, erm, yes, OK.” I thrust my head forwards with, “I didn’t hear you,” as I again up-wiggled my fingers, obliging her to offer correction. Then with much more conviction in a definite dutiful tone she uttered those symbolic words, “Yes Miss.” She’d put both her feet on my slippery slope, and I grinned as she started to slide.….. ……I left her in the kitchen to prepare the coffee, while I made preparations of my own. I set up my camera, a spy-master special, pointing straight at the front of the lounge. Then I loaded the cruise promo-video into the player, knowing it was not what it seemed.…. …….“Niki,” I grimaced after a small sip from my cup, “this coffee is absolutely awful. What. But what was his name? What was his name? Her husband’s name? A suppressed pain. Fear. There is something careless about this kind of forgetting, something unpardonable, a great guilt. Her husband, her master. His face has the quality of a blurred photograph, yet she remembers his rough hands. His rough, calloused hands on her soft breast. She shudders. Feeling foolish she starts through the alphabet, trying to associate a name with each letter: Albert, Benjamin, Charles, Donald… It feels as if every last cell of her brain was driven into illness. Her lack of memory fills her with silent dread. Not my mind, Dear god not my mind! She tries to compose herself. Ernest, Frank… Letter by letter she continues to analyze the sounds and impressions. What is this? Dear god. Dear Jesus, sweet Jesus. George, Harold… She begins to suspect the answer is beyond her reach. She sends out fingers of desire, need, thought- tries to project them into her past, pull out something stable. The images.
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