Rob, who was reading History sat next to me and started chatting, Ifound that I liked him, but I didn't know if he knew about me, the nexttime we went o the toilets I asked Shoni what she thought, while wetouched up our make up she thought, and by the time we put some scent onshe said, "Susanna, it's up to you, but you know it's not right to leadhim on" she smiled and continued "it really must be hard for yousweetheart, Kell and I keep trying to forget who you were, but when youmeet someone nice you have to tell them who you were, mind you, youcould just say that you are not what you appear to be, and if he probe'sjust say that you are transitioning" she cocked and eye brow at me "hopethat helps Suzy" ( Because I chose my name late in life at 19, Ipreferred to be called Susanna I don't mind Suzy, but I don't like Sueor Susan! Strange aren't I)This gave me something to think about as I walked back, when we got nearthe table Rob's face lit up when he saw me, Shoni whispered to me. "I saw her the other day. Is she ok?" No! No she is not!" I had to restrain my self from screaming. Then Isaw tears welling in his eyes. His mouth was quivering."I'm so ashamed of myself for taking her to that party, ashamed of mybrother for what he has done to women."He handed me a hand written letter that he had carried with him."Please give this to her. She blocked me and I didn't know where shewas. I've been hoping for years to be able to explain. I've beencarrying this with me just in case I ever had the chance." Wait, what do you mean 'my brother', you mean the frat guy you toldthat Jamie was trans?" My bully of an older brother was the frat guy. I hated letting peopleknow he was my brother, just referring to him as a family friend. Whenhe learned that I had a girlfriend for the first time in my life andthat we were, his words 'doing it', he started being nicer to me, likeit was some male bonding thing. When he invited us to this bigfraternity party, I thought it was a great.
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