" She twists her arm and I let her go, "As if I'd even talk to you if you hit me." She fake laughs again and hurries into the building.I broke her arm. A week later, her pretty face is still black-n-blue. I'm not an asshole; I'm not good enough to be an asshole.As soon as most everybody's inside, I smoke another cigarette less because I want one and more because it gives me something to do with my hands other than punch a wall. Maybe all those bruises were me. Maybe it's always been me beatin' up on her an' I've been too blind or stupid ta notice.The bell rings but I haven't finished my smoke so I don't move. When I do finish, I consider going to class and instead light another one. I wish I had something stronger than cigarettes. No wonder Peter popped my shoulder out. He shoulda beat my ass. He shoulda told me what I'd done and beat my ass for doin' it.Eventually, Peter finds me. I pin him to the wall - only because he wasn't expecting it, "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" Because. "Helen emptied her full glass of wine. I did the same, we both needed it, and we both needed more.Helen carried on. "I thought about not giving it to you, that way it would make the situation go away but I wanted you to have it so so much."I picked up my glass of wine, not because I wanted a drink, I needed to think. Where was this going? Helen had been honest with me; I needed to be honest with myself. I wasn't a lesbian; I'd never had a sexual experience with another woman. Yes the ex has fantasised about it, but it was only ever a fantasy not a reality. It never entered my head. Helen wanted me to wear it for her, but then what, I knew then what. Did I want to? Did the idea repulse me? No it didn't. What did two women do together? Yes I'd seen the odd porn film but that wasn't reality.Helen stood up "Just going to visit the bathroom." She said. This gave me some more time, would I wear it for her? Yes I would. What about the next step? My mind didn't say no but it didn't say yes. I.
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