”“How old do I have to be to have sex?” Birgit asked.“Well, it’s really up to you,” Kara replied. “But you absolutely have to have your period first. We can talk about it.”“OK.”I stifled a sigh of relief. Birgit was only seven, and we were getting into dangerous territory. Not because I didn’t think she should make informed decisions, but those decisions really needed to be at least seven or eight years in the future.October 15, 1995, Chicago, Illinois“You’re struggling again?” Kara asked on Sunday morning, when she, Jess, Michelle, and I were in the sauna.“Yes,” I replied with a sigh.“You’ve been having dalliances again?” Michelle asked warily.“Yes.”“But why?”“That’s the question I’m asking myself almost constantly.”“I thought you’d changed,” she said, sounding sad.“He HAS changed,” Jessica said. “All of us have. His visit to Japan fundamentally changed who he is, but he’s not completely different from the man he was. He’s more mature, more confident, more deliberate, and, generally. ‘How could you,’ he said, his pained expression also bringing me to tears. How could I? How could anyone? I believe that love and lust have one thing in common. Both can get you into trouble. My lust for Jason had cost me my marriage. My love for Michael had cost me my heart. Jason moved to our branch on my 31st birthday. I was stressed out that day. I had attended an opening the night before and had stayed with some clients drinking wine, talking business, boring myself but sticking it out to the last. When I got home Michael was asleep but snoring loudly from a cold he had picked up a few days before. Despite the wine, I found it difficult to fall asleep, listening to his noise, waiting for the wheeze. When it was time to rise, my mouth was dry, my eyes sore and I had stayed in bed too late to shower. I can’t say it was lust at first sight. But I did think Jason was cute. I liked his face, his merry eyes, dancing in his tanned complexion. He was anxious to impress, helpful,.
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