But, as I left the parking lot and turned onto the highway; my humiliation began to be replaced by anger, intense anger. True, what I did was horrible, I had shoplifted; but that did not give that big son-of-a-bitch permission to fuck me. He had raped me; there was no other way to describe it. I was carrying so much real evidence in my body. I should go straight to the police right now. I would get him in so much trouble with the law. I was only eighteen and he was at least fifty. That was rape for sure. That would be real jail time, the end to his job and the end of his chances to do this again. Anger just seethed through me.But, as I drove further I calmed a bit and began to think it all through. It was much more complicated. My reporting this would simply make me look like a girl with “morning after” regret. He had given me the option. He would have called the police if I hadn’t begged and begged and finally, in a way, given him permission to fuck me. True, his calling the police. He came over the next morning and was gloating, telling me that he had popped your cherry. I almost decked him.” “He said that?” “Yeah, he always made crude comments about you, I never told you because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I usually ignored him, I didn’t want to hear about it.” “I wasn’t his first, was I? He said I was but I never believed him.” “You guys were out of high school when you had sex, of course you weren’t his first!” “What a jerk! I think I need more wine, how about you?” “Please!!!” We opened another bottle and poured two very full glasses. “Who was your first Ryan?” “Do we have to discuss this?” “No, I’m just curious.” “It was Lacy, the girl I dated my sophomore year.” “That was when we were in college!” “I know! I was holding out.” “Holding out for what?” “For you.” I almost spit out my wine! “For me? Why?” “I don’t know, I guess I never gave up hope that we’d be together. I gave in to Lacy about a month before you and Will broke up, talk about.
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