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I was too frightened and scared to try and work out or be honest about how much space I needed to create. But I knew that things would change. And change in a big way.With Grace’s large and scared brown eyes still looking into mine, her questions still unanswered, I calmly walked across to her and wrapped her in my arms. Her arms immediately reached up and wrapped themselves around my neck. It felt good to be so needed and vital, as Grace’s tears and sobbing burst into the open. Instinctively I pulled her tighter, trying my damnedest to convey my commitment to her through the tightness of my hold.“Hey, it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay, you’re not on your own. We’re here for you. I’m here for you.”In that instant, as my tongue got caught up with my words, the conundrum of what Grace wanted and what we’d offer struck home like a stake through the heart. What did Grace want here? What could we and would we offer? There were three people here. Three different views and lives and sets of. I get what I want. If you want to rub my feet – which, I know, you always do – tough. You don’t get to rub my feet unless I ask you to. And no fucking. It probably should go without saying, but there will be no fucking. I’m not going to let you cheat on my mother…” I was astonished that in all of this, she somehow justified the concept of cheating. “… and I can get better fucking from the guys at school. Questions so far?”She didn’t wait for a reply. “OK, good. Now I’m going to college in the fall, so… that’s going to let you off the hook for a while. But remember, I come home Thanksgiving, Christmas – you know, all the holidays – and I’m sure I’ll want some attention then, too. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. One more week of school, and all of summer vacation… four months before you get married; four months for you to show you’re committed to our little agreement, or I could easily have a conversation with Mom.”It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to.
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