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My inner fire was running low on fuel. Suck me! This just wouldn’t do. I needed something, someone to reignite my thruster. I needed a muse to reenergize my creative spirit. Besides, my self pleasuring and fantasies were getting to be the only intimacy I knew anymore. Oh I could wander my paw, taking my own measure like a champ, trust me. I knew the benefits of Kegel exercises as well as anyone, and made damn certain I practiced. I approached my princely pole with adoration and due reverence, carefully orchestrating a cadence and effect to bring myself to the brink, and then ease back, bring myself to the height of majesty, then float back to a smoldering wane, learning there was no elixir syrup as well suited for lubrication than nature’s own. The glistening escape of pre-cum always paved the way for absolute nirvana. K-Y? Not even close. I loved that slickness, and used it to great effect. My prowess was not to be diminished, I swore an oath to self. I would continue to fuck myself. She’d rather have a stranger from the East Village hitting on her than any man from New Jersey. But she didn’t want to see them anymore. Not for a while.As she readied herself for the party, she also thought about moving back to West Hartford, not with her family, as she couldn’t stay there anyway, but near her old college. She was happiest there too, and trying to relocate to happiness had a futile ring to it, but she no longer cared for misery either. A woman can’t simply be happy. A woman can’t search for it either. For her happiness either just came or didn’t no matter where she went. Such was the female poet’s dilemma. While she pushed herself to greater heights, there was always something weighing her down, dragging her below the earth no matter how hard she tried. It seemed to her like an odd paradox—the more intense the search, the farther happiness moved away. It had been this way ever since the incident in front of her home. It took suffering to realize these paradoxes, as.
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