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Add on to his inexplicable absence without notification for the very first time; real or not, everyone was treating these pictures as the emergency it was.I flipped open my phone and hit the speed dial for Frank Munoz, my lawyer."Frank." There was no hello. "Good God, William. You should see what's in my mailbox. What kind of shit have you gotten yourself into?" was his response. It sounded like he covered the phone with his hand, but I could see him send his secretary out of the room and tell her to hold his calls."You're not going to ask me if they are real?" I asked with a sense of grim humor. The size and scope of this was so monumental that it was almost funny."William. No one can reach you today. Those goddamn pictures are everywhere, spreading like an oil slick. My phone is ringing off the hook with people trying to find you. I can't even find you! Ten minutes ago when I got your wife she told me to 'fuck off' she'd see me in court," he was speaking in a rapid fire rhythm, "So. A DIFFERENT NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS... Twas the night before Christmas, and geez it was neat,The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.The doors were all bolted, and the phone was off the hook,It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy, and I am in the nude,Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf,Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we’d built,Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.Sure as I’m speaking, he was as high as a kite.And he yelled to his team, but it didn’t sound right.Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,Either slow down this rig or I’ll cut off your.
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