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Well I don’t know what to do on our wedding night.”“Well now, let’s see, I’ll give you as much help as I can.” Said Tom, and he then gave the lad as much instruction as he could.“Have you got the idea now?”“I’m not 100%sure” said the lad.“Hmmm! “ murmured Tom, “now, us old guys, when we want a bit of sexual relief go out to the copse of trees on top of the hill behind the village. In the middle there’s an old oak tree with a knot hole at just the right height, go up there where no one can see you and practice.”So, on his wedding night they went to the only place in the village, the local pub.Tom watched them climb the stairs thinking ‘I hope what I told him is O.K.’Five minutes later there comes a piercing scream from upstairs, ‘huh huh’ thought Tom ‘ his in and should be alright now’ a few seconds later there’s another scream, even louder. ‘Making heavy weather of getting through’ then an even louder scream.‘What the heel’ thought Tom. He dashed up the stairs, threw the door open,. . surprise surprise ... that I’d give him head. Good times, right? About 2 minutes in I looked up at him. And he was texting someone. Texting. While his fireman went through the car wash. I know, right? That was the last straw. I promptly put my clothes back on and left. I dropped his stuff off at the front door the next day and blocked his number. That was the end of that relationship.While it was my last, this wasn’t the first boyfriend I had that I could have gone to school with. There was one before him and he was a serious asshole. Let’s pretend his name is “Vince”. Ya’ know. In case he finds this and reads it. I don’t want angry texts at 2 in the morning. Hi “Vince”! Oh sure, he was sweet at first. And I’m sure he thought “sweet” was the way to go. But I sensed that he wasn’t so sweet once you got to know him. Which is why I gave him the time of day to begin with. Save the sugar for your coffee, dude. And while he was truly a jerk, once you got to know him. There’s such a thing.
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