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Sunny and Louis took us all to a lovely dinner and returned home with Sam, Harri and Sandy, giving Jeff and me another day to be together. I could say we put it to good advantage, but anything we did together seemed to be putting the time to good advantage. It was not only faith that led me to believe I could find my way to stupid. I saw Jeff some nights and every weekend before I left. It was wonderful, but it wasn’t the same as living together. When I went to the hamper, never did I find a pair of boxers that didn’t quite make it in. When I woke up in the morning, there was no warm Jeff-smelling body to snuggle against. No cheek to cheek on demand before the chest to chest. We did those things, but it wasn’t the same. I even missed finding the lid up on the toilet seat, though perhaps it was the nostalgia of finding it up I missed rather than the reality. I missed these things even more as my departure drew closer. We made plans. I thought I had done an effective job of keeping any. But Rafi would have been your first man, as far as I could tell, your first drag queen, and your first of my relatives. It was so juicy, so sinful, so taboo, and so special, at least to me. It was going to be our wicked conspiracy, you, me, and him, and so I wanted to be in on that. That’s what upset me so much that I burned your bridges with my family and damaged your relationship with your parents.“I’m very sorry for that, by the way. I hope that you can forgive me. I was wrong about that. I should have given you a chance to explain yourself, especially since I never expected fidelity or asked for it ... or gave it, for that matter. I fooled around, too, even then. Especially with my ex-boyfriend, Delbert. Other exes, too, mainly. I could resist, mostly, with others, at least in the past, but not with my exes.“Also, I worried that you might be gay and leave me for him ... for Rafi. I guess that I caused myself to lose you, anyway, so that was counterproductive. Now, though, I get.
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