The sex was great, and they connected better than even he and Marianne had. But...Caroline had grabbed him out of the ashes of his relationship with her sister before they were cold. Marianne had picked him up, enjoyed him and left him before he knew what was happening. Her Aunt had basically used him. Who knew what would happen next with that family?In addition he was disgusted with himself. He now considered it a betrayal of Marianne when he thought of his night with Allison, even with the nod and wink he'd received from his girlfriend. Honest, loyal people didn't do that, and Simon had been brought up to be both of those things.Also, a little drink was one thing, but Simon had smoked what he'd been offered and knew in his heart that he'd have given in on the cocaine as well...He tried rationalising that he was under duress; the temptation was something most people would have given into. (It wouldn't have done any harm, surely?) Like Allison. Like Caroline. He even blamed himself. But not that. Then I feel his touch once again and I lose myself, drowning in his soul, always just beneath the surface, giving over all that I can, breaking my heart again, all just to feel his magic, his heart, one more time. I dream of his possession, the freedom of belonging to this person. And I whisper to him, ‘You are all that I am not, all that I was lacking.’ And he smiles. Because what I lack, he contains. Where I am weak, he is not. A power for a weakness, a give for a take. In his eyes, I see the truth. I know that there is doom and pain ahead, and still I inch my body toward his, aching for that poison. Aligning myself with him, tipping my head to look into his eyes, indeed his very soul, laying my hand on his chest, I know I’ve found home. I haven’t the right. I want to step back, to leave this man, this poet, for someone else to find, but I cannot. He is there, his heart beating steady against my hand, and I am not possessed of the power to let him go. I feel the.
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