Tchaikovsky’s Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture is something we both adored when we were together. I have no doubt that if he were involved, his big love would have crept in — your middle name for sure would have been Mahler. I would have fought that battle with him, but I would have lost. I can’t listen to Symphony No. 10, the one that was unfinished when Mahler died and a scholar put together many years later, without thinking of you. In fact, that symphony largely describes me. I have been in pieces for a long time, and a wise and gifted friend is helping me sort it all out just by listening, by holding me and caring for me as I put it all together. Sometimes something extraordinary can happen in a place you would never imagine — that’s how I found him. The name I imagined for you, Natalia, has been with me since I was barely even able to have a child. When I was about fourteen, a friend and I were talking about children’s names. The name I chose was ‘Natalia de Ciel’ with de Ciel. I made vows a long time ago, and I will stay with those vows. I’m done talking about this with you.”“Whatever. Look if you aren’t going to leave him, at least make yourself happy. Go out find a man or something.”“I’m not going to bring myself down to your father’s level by going out and getting some man. Now, stop talking about it. I am happy when you’re here, and that’s all that matters.” “There’ll be a time when I don’t live here anymore Mom. What’re you going to do then?”“I don’t know, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. You hungry?”“Naw, I just stopped in to grab one of my books. I’m going to the library to study with some friends.”“Oh okay. When are you going to be back?”“Late probably.” He kissed my forehead and ran upstairs. On his way back down he stopped and stared at me again. “Mom you should really think about what I said even though you wouldn’t let me finish. It might do you some good.”I gave him a stern look, but before I could say anything to him he walked out.
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