You're an inspiring symbol of hope for the continuation of the species."I'd come around to the idea that I was essentially a good person and had a lot to contribute to a relationship. The idea that I inspired hope for the continuation of the species was flat out absurd. It was so absurd I couldn't come up with a response.I was surprised at how exhausted I was when we got home. We hadn't been involved in any strenuous physical activity. I never realized how much energy could be spent worrying about what plots might be carried out.Friday I spent some time getting together all the paraphernalia associated with graduating. Jeff was gone considerably longer. He said he had all kinds of arrangements to work out.The doorbell rang as we were discussing plans for dinner.What a delightless surprise. My family had come up for a big party. They had rented a room at the Brass Rail; so much for spending the night with Jeff. We wouldn't be back from dinner until late.The food was wonderful. The. I felt healthy, and happy. I hadn't felt this way in a long time. So Sunday evening we were sitting on his couch watching TV, and talking. He was showing me his photo album, and we were sitting against each other. We found ourselves looking into each others eyes smiling again. He stole a kiss. I submitted and kissed him back. We kissed some more. I left. My heart was doing flips going home. I finally arrived home. I went right inside, and turned on my computer. I began a search of HIV patients, and what "non detectable load" means. It meant I was highly unlikely to catch it. I was feeling so naughty. All those nights I woke up alone feeling so hot to reach into my nightstand for my toys, lube, and poppers. There's a man who wants me bad, and I need him like a flower needs the sun. I still had my travel bag in the trunk of my car. I went to my bedroom. Walked into the closet. Stripped down naked. Put on my white teddy. Tossed my white 5-inch metal heel.
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