Our weekend plans shot to hell; we lay in bed as I juggled between three or four Word documents and some spreadsheets on my laptop, typing furiously. Hardly a way for a couple of twenty six year olds to be spending Saturday night! Every forty or fifty keystrokes were punctuated by a sigh or a curse. "Fucking BITCH! She had to fucking drop this on me at the last minute. FUCK MY LIFE!!" Alonso stroked my thigh to calm me and kissed my cheek and I resumed typing. This happened several times until finally I finished around 2 am and sent an email to my boss with the relevant attachments and lay down in bed exhausted. We hadn't had sex in over three months now and this was yet another night of disappointment for Alonso. I feel sorry for him but work stresses me out a lot and that kills my sex drive. When he pushes me to have sex it just leads to arguments and makes me feel like such a frigid bitch.It wasn't just that I was tired all the time though. Lately I had been finding it harder and. After a hellish year when I tried to come to terms with events, we split. For all my love, I just couldn't live with that knowledge and she could no longer put up with my moods.It was only in hindsight that I realised that I'd been a crap husband and rather poor father. I'd been selfish, unintentionally, but selfish none the less. I won't go into details because it would depress me, and no doubt you too. I came to the conclusion that I was extremely lucky that my marriage had lasted as long as it had.One part of the problem was that I was the first of my peers to get married and all my friends would be around wanting me to join them in all their bachelor activities. Not yet used to married life, I accepted far too often. Another part could be seen in my view to sports. I tried to partake in everything that interested me, football (of the associated variety), distance running (even doing a couple of marathons), swimming, cycling, squash and even a dabble at Gaelic Football. That was.
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