Days chasing sheep around fields with my brother, clutching handfuls of mouldy bread that we desperately wanted them to eat, while they, showing an unusual amount of common sense, backed away until by accident we’d managed to herd them into the shearing pen that Noel had been trying to get them in all week. Running to the bridge at the end of the garden to wave at the trains passing on the branch line, pretending to be railway children and hoping for an old gentleman to come and save us from imagined poverty and a father who was too often absent. All these memories came pouring back as I sat in the passenger seat of the Volvo on our way to the farm, and yet when we arrived it was so different and yet so much the same that I felt conflicting emotions. I tried to capture the images on camera but somehow they came out too bright, too modern to say what I wanted, and I’d left my watercolours at home, not realising I’d need them. I attempted a brief sketch on paper with a Biro, but. "Look, we'll just never know," Angela said. "I checked his out and he seems legit. Your lawyers agreed and even the private investigator you hired couldn't find anything on him." Yes, but was it all an illusion that the investigator saw? Is his whole public persona an intricate illusion?" I asked.I shook my head, a dense headache coming on. All this thinking and worrying with no way to answer the questions. It was just pissing me off. I slid back from the table, the women talking among themselves, sensing that I needed some time alone to think. I walked out on the porch and sat there for a while, just starring up at the moon and thinking about all the things that had happened to me in the past several weeks.And I realized that when I went back to work next week, I needed to pay attention to work. My employees deserved just as much of my attention as did the women sitting in the house behind me. And so I resolved to pay attention to work and let the other things work out as best they.
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