‘Do I have to be in trouble to call a friend?’ ‘No, but you always seem to be. So what’s up?’ ‘Jen roped me into a job just now. It’s going to take me away from the office for anywhere from a week to two months. I was wondering if you still had contacts out at the community college.’ ‘You know Max, we look the other way on some of the shit you pull because so far mostly it’s the bad guys who get hurt. We would frown on a college kid getting killed because of something you did.’ ‘You know Sarah wasn’t involved she was just collateral damage.’ I hated how cold that sounded. ‘Yeah, that’s why you aren’t completely iced down there.’ Down there was the Cop Out Club. ‘Yeah I realize that I’m not the belle of the ball,’ I replied. ‘Hell Max, you never were. Those nurses always hated you cause you have more balls than they do. That young intern, they all wanted to fuck him, they were just afraid of what he might say. Everyone but you knew he liked to brag. He was kind of the Warren Beatty of. Two women walk past and one shouts “if you were a gentleman you would lift your hat to a lady!” The bloke replies “if you weren’t so ugly the hat would lift itself!”Me: “I can’t believe they’re back together after all that shit”. Wife: “Who?” Me: “My arse cheeks”“So let me get this straight” the prosecutor says to the defendant. “You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man”. “That’s correct” says the defendant. “Upon which” continues the prosecutor “you take out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her”. “That’s correct” says the defendant. “Then my question to you is - why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?” asked the prosecutor. “It seemed easier” replied the defendant “than shooting a different man every day!”My wife came back from work yesterday and yelled at me “All my friends’ husbands have bought an original pink and brown Juicy handbag!” I replied with a wink “Okay love, but tonight you’ll have to provide some pink and brown for me”. I.
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