She looked upset, frustrated, or just plain exasperated, but what she didn't look, was happy. As I came through she grabbed her coat, and walked quickly out of the White House.Whatever it was, we weren't going to be talking about it in public.That was for sure.The flight back to the residence was quick and painless. With all the changes, I hadn't even begun to pay attention to the things around me. There was so much to absorb, there was no time to enjoy any of it. Hopefully things would settle down soon.We were barely in the master suite when Samantha announced, "John, I am amazed at my feelings for you, but I can't do this. I won't do this. There is NO WAY I will submit my life to the microscope that being with the Vice President requires of me."While you were in with the President, I watched CNN and saw myself torn to shreds by complete strangers, who THINK they know what a loser I would be as your Press Secretary. Then that half-wit, Wolf Blitzer, started to dissect my life, as if. It was almost impossible to make the choice to leave you and Ol'Jack and I question if it was the right decision but I wasn't willing to risk putting you in danger from what I have run away from. While I cannot prove it I have a very strong feeling that they are looking for me and I don't want to bring my past into your lives. I'm so sorry that the night in the hotel I was unable to make love with you. I can't explain what happens to me other then to say I have flashbacks. Please know it was not anything that you did and if only I would have been able to share that with you I know it would have been the most loving, romantic and beautiful experience of my life. Joseph, I don't want to sound like a girl with a teenaged crush but I'm scared I have fallen in love with you and Ol'Jack. And that's why I had to make the decision to head off on my own because if I caused anything to happen to you or Ol'Jack I would forever hate myself. Know I love you both with all my.
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