Still, it was time, I had been thinking. I sensed I hadn?t yet crossed a line I knew to be out there, a line beyond which one loses one?s self completely, a place where you well and truly abandon yourself to being fucked and degraded and performing whatever act your man wants you to do and wants to do to you, so that you then truly become capable of giving up control of everything that is you, so that you come to him naked and without pretense and ready to give him everything. To never, ever be able to think of yourself the same way, to know that the dark thing that was once safely inside you now owns you. Yes, you will be owned utterly, an abject, pitiful thing. Yet there is power in being owned, too. You might be a possession, after all, but you could be a prized possession, like a Picasso or a prize-winning thoroughbred dog or a Faberge egg. That is all you can ever aspire to, once you cross the line.So: getting fist-fucked. Doing this hard thing (hard for me, at least, who feared. And that meant she’d feel very good, very soon. What was unknown to William was that he was, for her, exactly what she needed. And for Vicki, just as with William, ‘needed’ was the right term. Her mind and heart were tied in a knot so large and complicated she wasn’t sure she’d be able to ever untie it. But she knew that with William’s touch, his lips and his strong hands she’d be able to let go of some of the confusion she, herself, was trying to deal with. Yes, she loved William, with all her heart and soul. On that point, there was no confusion in Vicki’s mind. But she couldn’t deny that there was something missing. She thought that maybe should could ‘find’ it…whatever it was…in Trey’s arms, or rather, his bed. But no. And now…now she felt like she was trapped. Trapped between the man she thought she knew she wanted and the man who was willing to give her thingsshe thought she needed. There she was, caught between a love for William which she couldn’t deny and an attraction for.
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