I wondered what she was up to.By late afternoon I was tiring. I was about to suggest going back to the pension and resting up before the evening's planned castration when Uli forestalled me.'Magda's going to go home and change and then come back, ' she told me, 'and she's going to dress up to the nines and so am I. I need to go shopping.' I sighed. This was turning into a Hollywood production.'OK. You're in charge. Dressed up would be better, I guess.' She gave me a kiss on the cheek and turned to Magda.'I told you he's a baa lamb once you get past the intensity. Give him a kiss and go and get ready.' Magda did as she was told, kissing me with surprising force. I was surprised all over again by the frank sexuality hiding under the nervous shell. She wound her arms round my neck and slid her tongue deep into my mouth, holding me for a long time, then released me, pecked Uli on the cheek and hurried off, waving for a cab. I turned to Uli.'Alright, my sweet: you're going to tell me. I was numb but I guess Mrs. Murphy needed to go through all the old memories. One memory she was not a part of, was the night Linda and I had alone. She left me for a couple of minutes, and brought me back a coke. We were still talking when the doorbell rang. Mrs. Murphy led my mom and dad into the living room, and I lost it. With them, I could be their little boy, the one who hurt himself at the playground. With them, I could cry and they could hold me, but they couldnt make it better. Nothing would make it better ever. That night I lay on my bed, feeling like I had lost everything in the world. The oldies station started to play the Everly Brothers song that Linda liked so much. I rolled on my side and held my pillow close, imaging I had my green-eyed girl in my arms. But thats all I would ever be able to do, just dream. I was young and I know youre probably thinking I eventually got over Lindas death. Youre wrong, I never did. I watched my brother Ricky come home from Nam and six.
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