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"Driving as a family to church, and being at church itself, was very, verytense. I found myself "side-eyed" many times.School the next day was even worse. I found that Zak and I were whateveryone was talking about. I was called "fag" what seemed like 100times. Quite a few students spoke to me in support, but that was weirdtoo. I'm all for acceptance, but I am not gay myself. Besides, thesupport mainly came from students I hardly knew.Zak avoided me for most of the day. When I finally cornered him, he said,"Paul, I have no idea what came over me the other night. But I'm not gay,never have been. If you are, that's cool, but leave me out of it!" Andoff he walked.On Tuesday, Zak wasn't at school. Or Wednesday either. I called and hedidn't answer. I called his home phone, and his mother reassured me hewas alright. She said they were thinking of selling up and movinginterstate, to make a new start. She said, through her tears, that shewas sure John (her husband) would be able to find a new. I was more interested in how their looks appealed to me, than in any of the things they actually said and did. Brenda's early behavior had turned me against her. I had decided, on several occasions, that she and I were through, and that she was forever out of my life. Somehow, she was always able to find her way back into my life though. It was her looks that had made this possible.Later on, it was still her looks, but it was also the way she added to the relationships I enjoyed with the other wives. Most notably, this was with Emily, but it was also present in adding to my relationship with Joyce. After she had my children, I knew that we'd always be connected. I stopped fighting against it.I had found a role for Brenda, one that suited her, and justified, in my mind at least, my making allowances for her past behavior with me. Joyce was happier having Brenda with us, and Emily wouldn't have come to be with us without having the added incentive of also being with Brenda. I had made.
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